Stephen Strasburg made his major league debut tonight against Pittsburgh. He struck out 14 on his way to a win. It's safe to say that expectations haven’t been higher for any prospect in recent memory. With that in mind, and with apologies to Chuck Norris, let’s take a look at the first installment of “Strasburg Facts.”
Stephen Strasburg’s curveball is so dirty that it’s required to show identification during road trips to play the Diamondbacks.
Stephen Strasburg decided to make his debut against the Pirates to show solidarity with the victims of Somalian piracy. He has also pledged to personally execute anyone found violating maritime law on any of Pittsburgh’s three rivers.
Stephen Strasburg throws an infinity-seam fastball.
Stephen Strasburg could microwave a burrito so hot that not even he could eat it. Dmitri Young says he’ll give it a shot, ya feel me?
Stephen Strasburg’s fastball can make the Kessel Run in less than eleven parsecs. Also, his slider is the droids you’re looking for.
Stephen Strasburg is so the future that the town of Strasburg, Virginia is trying to change its name to Stephen Strasburg, Virginia. Wait, that one’s actually real?
The official food at Nationals Park is the “Stephen Strasburger.” The meal consists of three sliders placed on the edge of your plate, and is virtually inedible.
Stephen Strasburg can’t use the rubber when he pitches because they don’t make any big enough to fit him. Also, the mound wants to carry his child.
Stephen Strasburg takes BP before every game. His definition of “takes BP” is sodomizing Tony Hayward…with no lube.
When Stephen Strasburg was born, he came out cleats up like Ty Cobb, slapped the doctor, and then gave up 1 hit thru 6 IP, striking out 10.
Got any more Strasburg Facts? Post them in the comments!
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